“He who travels far will often see
things,
Far removed from what he believed was
truth,
When he talks about it in the fields at
home,
He is often accused of lying,
For the obdurate people will not
believe,
What they do not see and distinctly
feel,
Inexperience, I believe,
Will give little credence to my song”
I went to
Mexico, for a month. We drove down
against all advice not too. We survived
and we sustained ourselves for the most part.
When we got to the beach we found a place and pitched our tents, we set up
a kitchen area and soaked it all in.
From there we would go to the store and get only what we needed that the
cooler could hold for 2 days and let go of the rest. Our days consisted of spear fishing, surfing,
scuba diving, swimming, climbing for coconuts, etc. It was beautiful and there was only one word
to describe it:
Simplicity!
Everyday we
went to bed with the sun and rose with the sun, planned our days around the
food we were going to eat, surfed, played bochi ball, swam, walked, and read in
the hammocks. And in that space is where
I revealed myself to, well, myself. You
can only spend so much time with yourself, and when you have nowhere to go and
nothing that has to be done you see a lot of yourself. I got to very personally step out of every
comfort zone I have ever known and play in the abyss that the world really
is. After vegetarianism for a year and
being raw for half of that, I ate meat and cooked food for every meal, every
day. I was able to listen to what my
body wanted and honor it. It felt
incredible and still does. But as there
is a light side to things, there is too a dark side.
The shadow
crept up behind me, and like a tornado I suddenly found myself in the eye of a
storm. To be honest, I have experienced
anxiety and insomnia for much of my life and I expected the beach and the ocean
to help with it, to settle my system enough to fully relax. Then one night there it all was again, no
sleep, and nightmares when it did come, and anxiety deep down in my chest. What could I be anxious about?
Well here is
what I got out of it….
Anxiety, it is
all fear. It is a feeling that is so
strong that it distracts you from everything around you. So, what was I so afraid of? I was afraid of myself. I was afraid of the habits and patterns in my
life. I was afraid to look at and take
accountability for every time I have had anxiety or insomnia or fear based
thoughts. I always drove the blame
towards an outside source… my childhood, the phase of the moon, the food I ate,
my horoscope, my living situation, my past….
But none of
those things were present on the beach in La Saladita, Only memories and
storylines from my own head. Leading me to the conclusion that I, and my
patterns, are the only constant in this story line of my life. The accountability goes all to me
.
Hold on,
because I am about to really go places here!
In the middle
of these swirling thoughts about what true accountability was revealing to me I
dug deeper and deeper until I could find what it really stemmed from. I found it, and it hurt, but in the best way
that hurt can because it really changed my life
I found this word compassion that every one speaks so highly of and I
opened up to it. The true depth of my
discomfort does not need shared, because it is not the moral of the story, and
I do at some points believe that some things should be held dear. The truth of the matter is that we have all
these things within US, outside of US and acting upon US. And that US is the constant. No matter what it is we always have choice,
our reactions are our choice and our power.
BAM! Self Empowerment!
Shortly before
I left for Mexico a dear friend shared with me something her mom told her, “The
ball is in your court, you just have to realize it”.
It breaks down
to all the simple things in life. The
ball is always in your court and you are always responsible for the things in
your life. If it is an outside influence
on you, you can still choose how to react to it. Maybe this information will empower you for
the rest of your life. I know that it
did for me. I have now seen that
whatever I do in life, I have the choice.
If I want something to be different then I can change it. Sometimes it is work, and sometimes it comes
with ease.
I am inspired
more than ever to offer up to the world what I have to give. I am in the process of creating what I do and
what I want to bring and I simply am burning with desire to give it to the
world. It has to do with empowerment and
drawing into one’s own sense of self, and if you are curious it will be
revealed soon.
If I had a
moral to this story, it would be to take a trip like this, to step into an
unknown situation and know that you will be just fine. I would encourage everyone to challenge their
day to day perspective on life and begin to see the things that challenge them
in a different way. I would ask that
everyone who reads this article takes a moment to imagine a life where it is
all so simple, because it is all within us.
What would the world look like if we all empowered ourselves? When we are empowered we accept full
responsibility and accountability, meaning that we have the potential to see
our actions and reactions in the world as a whole.
We are all
powerful people and regardless of what each of us has gone through we have the
CHOICE in everything that we do. You are
Empowered! You are incredible! You can change every situation to be full of
love and growth.
Article Published 2011, Yoga Connection Magazine
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