There are moments I just want to stomp my feet, twirl, and blast noisy music that makes me move fast. Because I often feel overwhelmed by how fast the world moves and how much I love it. Don't get me wrong please, I'm not the hippy type of yoga instructor that believes in "the path to happiness" I just believe in being happy, making the choice.
But likely if you are reading this you already know my philosophy on life.
I've been traveling for the past 36 hours, and I'm just a few short hours from reuniting with family and Colorado peeps. I'm sitting on an airplane with 200+ other people and am amazed by our ability to travel in such masses at such speeds.
Amazed and thankful.
But it is 36 hours into sitting and I'm listening to music that makes me just want to jump up and fuckin dance. It makes me imagine spinning in the sun laughing with my girlfriends at our ability to be ridiculous and somewhere in there is glitter and tutus... Cause why not?
I'm walking into unknown territory and that always ignites some passion and compassion in me, everything becomes more intense, from excitement to sadness. Emotions are real. Very real. And I'm feeling them. Not just for myself but for so many others that I know and love. Even ones I don't know I suppose.
This is a pivot point for me and I don't know where it'll go, and I'm high on that. It could go anywhere, and I know it's dependent on my actions... It's always dependent on our actions and our attitude.
Pivot point.... I shouldn't glamorize it, we are always at pivotal points. Mine are no different than yours. But in my head at this moment I feel like mine is big, that's my shit. It's been a year since I lost my mom and it hurts no less but I am able celebrate her more, which is good. This year marker... Well, it's been a hard fucking year. As hard as it's been I have accomplished so many goals and I anticipate what the second year with out her will bring. I feel like she's just kickin' it out there in the universe putting everything in place for me, like how you would organize anything in life, except I'm not the one doing it, she is, which has made my life a lot easier.
I had a recent moment in regards to her passing. I was doing some stretching late one night when I was struggling to sleep and I had a new perspective on her, one I am slightly ashamed to admit because as her daughter it's something I knew but maybe never gave full credit too.
She was brave. And I felt really proud of her all of the sudden.
You know, or perhaps you don't, she had inflammatory breast cancer, which is by far the wickedest thing I've ever witnessed. And through all the symptoms of this form of cancer she didn't take pain meds until the last 2 weeks of her life. She just took it, she just clenched her jaw and got through it, proving her strength and stance in the world. She didn't so much buy into western medicine and really wanted to avoid it. So she did, and may have made it worse or it may have prolonged her life but none of that matters now. Like all of us, my mom was brave and I'm so proud to be her daughter, because I know she taught me to be brave and stand true. She was an incredible woman and her being a martyr to her beliefs only makes me more proud.
So that's it really, I don't have an intention with writing this, it's just a bunch of rambling. However... I want to say to anyone who reads this: be happy, be brave, and most importantly be true to who YOU are rather than who the world thinks you should be. That's what'll lead you to happiness, when you stop the conflict of what the world tells you to be and start being who you are; and that takes bravery because there isn't always acceptance in that.
Love!!!
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