Balance.

Hey Beautiful People!  

It is towards the end of the year and it has been quite a while since I have written a newsletter or a post.  Though I have sat down many times to do so, it appears that the words I want to form are not there, or are not ready to form themselves.  Yesterday, as I sat in the back of a car on the way home from a beautiful long, yet too short, weekend, it came to me.  

It is almost 2014, and I have no idea where the year 2013 has gone, I am sure many of us feel similar.  I was thinking about how I did not write out about the holidays and wish everyone a merry season, and I did not express my gratitude for everyone I have met over the past year.  I think of you all very often.  The way you have impacted my life, I am so thankful.  

The last year for me has been like a power vinyasa class with techno / rage music blasting through the room.  AKA in my book, a nightmare, though occassionally appropriate.  In this whirlwind of minutes, seconds, months, and weeks I have also been walking in slow motion through all the movements seeing the reprocussions of actions amplified.  It seems to me that we are all searching for balance, to become a better version of ourselves, heal what is wounded, and love life.  For us to feel these things, this desire to change shift and alter, it is first important for us to recognize what is the root cause of these feelings; what is lacking in our lives that causes us to feel like we need to improve.  Deficiency and excess go hand in hand with each other.

The most common example is when we have a relationship that ends it is more often than not that we choose that time to start going to the gym, setting goals, beginning a new project, etc.  Because suddenly there is a deficiency of love, an excess of space and to bring it to balance we need to put something there, whether physically or energetically.  

This balance of energy happens in so many different ways and areas of life.  The physical, emotional/mental, and spiritual all mix together to brings us to a whole.  Examples are as follows, of course they are not always the case, though I do run across them quite often in sessions.

Low back pain, lack in the area of support.

Tight hips, a stubborness of moving forward and not grabbing too much to life.

The loss of a loved one, an excess of sadness.

Atkins diet, lack of fruit grains and vegetables, an excess of acidity.

Raw food diet, a lack of grounding to the world as we know it.  

Addiction, a lack of fulfillment elsewhere.

Crash diet to a binge.

A weak left hip,  pain in the right side of the back.  

Extreme controlling behavior feels a lack of control in their own lives. 

This list could go on for day, months, and years, and all it does is show us, feed us the information as to how we are seeeking to be balanced.  It does not need to be used in an abusive way, rather a way that is explorative and acknowledging to what is going on and where there is a excess or a deficiency.  When an issue arises we ask ourselves "what is the opposing force for that specific issue?".  Physically speaking, we look at the opposite side of the body for the compensation.  The left hip can rarely muster enough strength to overpower for the a weak left knee.  But the right hip has the ability to gather the strength it needs to take over for the left knee.  Equally, if we are not feeling enough love in our relationship, it is us that needs to gather our strength and learn to love ourselves more instead of putting it on the other person.  

Sometimes these things are fixable, and sometimes they just take time and awareness, so that we can approach it with responsibility.  If we feel a sudden desire to change our diet and swing into a serious cleanse, it will not magically reverse all of the years that we ate like shit.  It becomes a process of recognition, appreciation and respect for the process.  If we truly do not respect the process or see that it is one then we will not be able to achieve it long term.  The root problem needs addressing.  

As we approach the beginning of a new year it seems like a good time to make some changes.  After all we have all the information from the past year to teach us what can change and shift.  We are full of knowledge.  So let us reflect what we want to change and what might be causing our desire to change, and then let us talk about it with others on a new level.  Rather than just saying I want to lose weight or I want a new job, put it out there with more detail and honesty about what it is really happening so that you can see the real issue.  "I want to lose weight because I am uncomofortable, and I am uncomfortable because I have not taken the time to appreciate myself, and I put too much energy into other people, and not enough into myself."  Or "I want a new job because I do not feel valued, my boss does little to recognize my skills and I deserve recognition, I recognize myself."  

We are all in this together.  To support, coach, listen, reflect those we come across.  And in times like these, where there is chaos and overwhelm with busy lives, it is when we need this honesty the most.  

Have a Happy New Year! Love!

Adriane

Stand up against standing on your head

Dear Yoga Instructor,

Why should I practice handstand or headstand?

Thank you for this very important information.

Sincerely,
Your trusting student

I will tell you that if the asnwer does not resemble something that includes this, or very similar information, you should not let this teacher guide you through the pose.

Dear Student,

The primary intention of this pose is "tonifying the vital organs, stimulating the endocrine glands, and promoting the balanced and efficient functioning of our entire physiology, known as active reversal."
(This is information that Gary Kraftsow wrote in his book Yoga for Wellness, very trustworthy and practical information).

However student if you have any of the following you will want very clear and concise guidance if you still choose to attempt such a pose.  
Contraindications:
Severe structural assymmetries or scoliosis
Weakness, strain, stiff neck, shoulders, upper back
Chronic forward thrust of the neck
Flattened cervical spine
Long neck, or weak upper back
Small upper torso and large lower torso
Severe lumbar lordosis
Any disc problems
High blood pressure
Glaucoma
Obesity
Head cold or sinus blockage
Menstruation or pregnancy.
(Also from Yoga For Wellness).

Let us try to forget the timless banter of yoga instructors that say "Let's do some headstands to change our perspective on the world."  Not that a little perspective change is not beneficial but who wants their perspective changed by compromising the cervical spine with 100lbs or more worth of pressure on it?  Not me... that shit equals a torn rotator or a slipped disc.... not awesome.  Buth then again on the flip side you can blame yoga and miss out on all the benefits a practical steady practice can give you.

I recently came across an article about a fellow yoga teacher, I do not know who it is because she remained nameless in the article, but I have my guesses.  This yoga teacher is well known for her instagram fame, her handstands and ability to get upside down.  She is of course stunning and inspiring.  She does endless workshops and classes revolving around these poses, and from what the article said her queing is shit and her alignment lacking.  I am using my own words there too for the record.
The writer of this article was amazing in her delivery, expressing her frustration towards the teacher but ending with the reality that we are all on our own path and that our time deserves to be honored.  And I agree.. to an extent.  We are on our own path, we will forever learn, explore, and discover new options and varieties of things.  But as a teacher the lives of many are in your hands and if your queing and understanding of the pose lacks, your delivery will lack as well.  These precious lives will be compromised because you love to ego banter and kick your legs in the air.  And though your words are inspiring.... they will not stop the physical damage that can happen with carelessness.

Your yoga instructor should not be necessarily teaching you how to spread your wings like a butterfly sucking the sweet nectar of the tree but rather how to raise your arms to stabilize the shoulders and prepare for weight bearing poses.  It is our responisbility to do this.  Unfortunately we pretty much have yoga mills producing teachers like rabbits produce bunnies.  All for the mighty dollar.  So, most likely your teacher is not well versed or understanding of the human body...  not all of course, I am generalizing because I have attended an excess of classes in which there was little direction but plenty of "look what I can do".

You do not deserve this.  And the teacher does deserve to be challenged and earn your trust.  This gives you the chance to discover the deep benefits of a deliberate and correct(for you) yoga practice.  If you think yoga is awesome now, and you are just attending classes that aerobically run you through 500 sun salutations until you lie in svasana in tears because you feel so much release please just imagine how amazing it would be to run through those sun salutations with the understanding of your needs and your responsibilty to honor those needs
Okay, that doesn't sound as awesome as those tears of great release many of us feel at the end of a class.  But I can promise you, it is blissful.  It is fulfilling to lie down and know that you did exactly what you needed, not what someone else neede you to do so that they could feel accomplished.  But YOU, YOU listened to YOU and YOU honored YOU and then you can get up and go out into the world and do it again.  And the tears they may stop because eventually you will feel like you honor yourself so much that there is very little tension in your body.  I could go on forever about this, but I won't because eventually you would want to tell me to shut the hell up.

All in all, do what you love and what feels good to you.  Please know that the trick in yoga, and in life, is to live presently with an awareness and understanding of how this presence will effect our future.

Love!

Monday, Thursday, September, November

Where am I?  And even more what day, week, month, and year is it?

The last couple of months have been a whirlwind of, laugh, shock, devastation, heartbreak, and an un-definable amount of space.

On July 30th my mom was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer (never even heard of this shit before her diagnosis).  Unfortunately this is the most rapid and aggressive form of cancer there is.  It is rarely diagnosed in early stages, and often by the time it is diagnosed it is terminal.  It can go from nothing to everything in a matter of weeks, and by weeks I mean 2 weeks.  

Like most, we are a family of warriors/warrioresses.  We chose to take it head on with a more natural approach, it is what she wanted and quite honestly it was nearly too late for the chemo option when she was diagnosed.  We stood by her, we fought with her (fought the cancer that is), we told her how much we loved her, and she told us how much she loved us, we shared things that generally only get shared when there is trauma or tragedy.

A couple weeks after I arrived there was a change, not one for the better, and not one I am really ready to talk about at this point.  But this change was the beginning of her leaving the planet; on Setpember 16th at 4am she did just that.  She left behind a wake of magic and love, a large group of people that are touched, loved, and lovers because of her.  She is the most amazing woman I will ever come in contact with, mainly because she was my mom.  I will miss her more than I can express because the expression of it will likely shatter my whole existence.

I resonate and remain in a state of unrest, doing my best not to let it all in at once for fear of what that acknowledgement could lead too.  I am learning to accept this way of living.  I do not think time heals all wounds, I think that we just learn how to deal with it and we become accustomed to such a sadness.  We accept that there will be this hole, this pain, this...... Life will never be the same.

Through the loss of my mom I have awakend to all of her amazing skills.  The skills that helped me be who I am, the ones that will excel me and my family forward into the world to carry out what she is no longer able to on this plane of existence.  In her passing onto a world that she loves more than this one, a world so closely connected to spirit, one in which her faith was stronger than anyone I had ever come in contact with; she has deepened many relationships in my life.  She has directed attentions to things and people that have been calling my name for a long time.

I wonder if she knew what would happen....

To tie this into yoga, I feel completely legless, like I have no ground.  I feel like I am disconnected from the whole of the universe, now that part of my connection to this world has left.  I have been told that this will last a while.  So, I try to practice yoga, and when I do it helps.  But at the same time it is the most difficult thing to do because it connects me to how I am really feeling about this whole thing.  It connects me to having a body, that my mom no longer has, movements my mom couldn't do in her final weeks, a health that she lost, and mostly to the fact that I have helped a lot of people, and I could not help her.  It connects me to the honesty of my current life.

A yoga practice is generally not all unicorns and rainbows with a heaping side of fairies and stars to dance in.
Instead yoga is a root into who we are and how we live.  It is our connection to our life; because it is our connection to how we move and breath in a controlled and present manner.

Like all tragedy, it is a wake up call for those of us who survive the pain and sadness.  It is a call to learn, expose, educate, and live better.  In this space that is what I will do.  And I will call all of you that know me or have experienced me to acknowledge that this magical woman that just passed had created me into what I am, and what I have given to you is part of her, and what you give to others from this is also part of her and so she spreads across the world like a golden web, to lighten the dark spots, to enhance existence, to believe in magic, to play like children.  Her spirit is within all of us.

The same is true with all of you.

The pieces of your spirit that you share with the world get passed from person to person to their people and beyond.

We spread ourselves thinly across the masses, with inspiration in all directions, whether they be heartache or joy.  Death is just a slap in the face realization of the impact one has made in the world.

Once again, like I so often remind, be honest with yourself and those around you, love, appreciate, be humble, listen (I mean listen like you will never hear that voice again, and simultaneously like you are hearing it for the first time, be open to the wisdom that resides in everyone), and move slowly so that you can indulge in the experiences of the world.

Love!

Presence

I read this awesome inspiration today....

It was a message that talks about being present and how this person magically walked down the street and saw people on iphones, with headphones, texting, walking, talking, riding, etc, etc.  And how nobody was stopping to look at the beauty of the world.  The writer / observer thought he would stop and take a look around a couple of times to initiate a bit of presence.  Beautiful concept, I am serious this is so amazing and so true that we can take more time to acknowledge our surroundings with a deeper sense of appreciation.
But it pays no merit to the other side of the equation which is avoidance.  Because sometimes we can only take little bits of life in at a time.

I think of this writer's somewhat pretentious comment about how present he was and how no one else was that and I become slightly (ok, really) angry.  I am in the thickest part of pain and if I were to be fully present with it I think I would likely combust and destroy everything and everyone around me.  For the record and coping it feels good to blow out my ear drums with music that soothes and breaks my soul simultaneoulsy, it feels good to text and get responses of support. shit talking banter, and love from friends.  It makes my life easier right now.  It allows me to take in small bits at a time what I cannot process, which I believe is how most of us our operating.  

So, when we take a look around and decide what people think life should look like, we are most likely forgetting that we are all trying to get through something and doing the best we know how to do at that moment.  Your words on staying present are beautiful and inspiring.  But let us not forget that there are two sides to every equation, there is the light and the dark.  Your opinion on the situation may not always bring it to balance, or be appropriate to preach.

Let us instead dance that line of when avoidance becomes inhibiting and when too much presence causes an ego complex.  And let us do this dance together so that everyone has the space they need for this exploration and instead of verbally reminding someone what the world should look like, we portray it by our actions.

ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS! 

We are not guru's to anyone but ourselves.  We do not know best for others.  We are free to avoid and sit with whatever we need to at any time.  Each of these actions has a place.  It is the dance of the light and the dark, the sun and the moon, the emotion and the logic, the man and the woman.

Live the life that is authentic to you.  Be challenged and open. Listen to what makes your heart happy and act on it.

Also, try not to allow the inspiration of others to grate your nerves and make you angrily "type with purpose" on your keboard a blog about how you just want to jam to music, smoke cigarettes, do yoga, and talk shit over text message.....

Love!

One Year Ago

One year ago today I was flying through the air with my dude to land in Thailand.  It has been aamzing since day one.

And now one year later I am flying back to the states, surprising my parents with an early arrival.  I could not be more excited to make this journey home and connect to the things and the places that have provided me so much grounding through out my life.  With out that grounding and support I would not do what I do.

In recent weeks as tragedy has shaken my life, I have been greatly reminded of how important life is and how important it is to be happy above everything.

Everyday I work with people who come to make big changes in their life, because something is not satisfactory.  As people go through the schedule of exercise and through the healthy menu I often hear peoples advice as eat less carbs, juice daily, be a vegetarian, eat raw, do a fast, have a colonic, don't eat sweets, and so on goes our observation and announcements of the right way....
We are overwhelmed with information about the "right answer" out there, when in truth there is no right answer.  Not just one will save every person from the distress of their own mind or body.  But when you are less stressed, when you know who you are (not what you do, but who you are to the people around you, what you provide the world), you are able to make clearer choices.

We have a responsibility to embrace everything that comes our way, to search out why we have the habits we have and to decide whether we really want them to be a part of our life, and to make decisions according to our own needs.  It becomes an exploration, a life long exploration where everyday we learn more and more. But we have to listen!  And we have to do things that make us listen, we have to challenge ourselves daily.

  GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND INTO YOUR BODY

Think about it....

In this past year I have had to face myself.  In doing so I have come to believe that it is not about what you do in your life, but how you approach it.  Now, this is not a new concept and I myself have been playing with the idea for a few years, but it has recently struck me straight in the heart and clear as day.

If you we approach our food with anticipation and desperation that it will cause us upset or perhaps be the answer to our problems we are creating a sort of distress in the body.  So, as the food travels down into our digestive system which we have already stressed out because we are thinking too much about what we want the outcome to be.  How will our body respond to processing the food if we are starting off worried about it?
If you approach and exercise you hate with the expectation that it will fix your problems you are creating more tension and expectation in your body.
If you make a phone call or a visit to a friend when you really just need time to sit with yourself you are not honoring your needs and putting more tension in your body.
If you do something you read about even though you feel as though it is not right for you, will you be able to relax into it and feel the results?

If you aproach everything you do with love, respect, and appreciation it changes things.  It gives you space to sit back and relax, to absorb and enjoy things rather than analyze and regret things.  Stop classifying things as good and bad and start enjoying things for what they are.  Our classifications of right and wrong or good and bad are the energy that we are putting into life and if a decision is already made about how it will effect us then we are limiting our possibility for opportunity.

Put down your diet books, your self help books, get off facebook, go for a walk, eat a magnum bar, laugh with a friend and ask yourself what is truly brilliant about yourself... and answer honestly and confidently, rather than the answer you think someone else would want to hear.  Get intimate with yourself and with with those around you.
Example:  I am a very nice person.  vs.  I make others feel love.
Get connected.

Because the moment you can do this and feel comfortable in doing so is the moment you take charge of your life.  You know who you are in the world and can make your decisions from that knowledge.

Love your life.
Love your food.
Love your friends and your foe.
Love the trees.
Love the water.
Love your body.
Love other peoples bodies.
Love the variance.
Love the challenge.
Love that we do not have the answers.
Embrace the mystery and the magic.

Watch in fascination as life unfolds its mysteries and enjoy every mintue of it.  Every single one of you, and every single person you know and that exists in this world is amazing in their own right, and it is about time we start honoring that to the fullest.

Love!

http://www.gofundme.com/40y9i8

Get Outta Your Head and Into Your Body

Get out of your head (stop thinking about it) and get into your body (and feel it)!

The above idea (getting out of your head and into your body) was born from watching students wiggle and squirm about during the still poses in yoga class; looking so obviously uncomfortable with the fact that it begins to even make me feel nervous.  

I mean , I understand, after all, there is so much to do when you are on a holiday, in paradise with all the time in the world to enjoy classes, food, friendship, and making these long term changes in your life.  

(Just kidding guys, well kind of)  

But really, we spend so much time these days thinking about the million other things we could or should be doing that we are falling short with the task at hand.  We are forgetting to set ourselves up properly for the future we want, whether that be a pose or something bigger, that we hurry to get somewhere that hasn't even happened yet.  We finish our yoga class and proclaim with great pride that "we did yoga today".  

But did we?  Or have we finished the class before we have even started it?    

Each time we step onto our mat we have the opportunity to pay very close attention to how we really feel about the things that we are doing.  It does not need to be thought about or analyzed, but rather experienced and witnessed for what it is.  We can impliment curiousity, and become child-like.  We can simply be in this space of movng ourselves in ways that would be considered quite awkward anywhere but here in a yoga class.  

In recent months I have been involved in the process of "branding" myself and what I do.  I often feel so disconnected from such an act and when I start to think about it too much I "do my head in" and get a bit "mental".  My classes essentisally go to hell in a handbasket and I feel confused about my own self and teaching style.  

This causes me to reach out to the people who enjoy my classes and ask them what makes my style special.  I am met with the similar answers everytime and am grounded back down as to why I do what I do.  You guys, the people I get the amazing opportunity to work with, are the ones that make me FEEL an unbelievable amount of love for what I do.  Rooting me back down from the insane madness of the yoga world, because when it gets business-y it is madness, and helping me to reconnect to the passion of why I teach and why I practice.  Some days you even bring me to tears.    

I certainly do not believe I am any hot shit in the yoga world, there are so many great amazing teachers with so much to offer.  But when I teach I FEEL all powerful (Bwahahahahah - insert super villian laugh).  All kidding aside, yoga makes me get out of my head about what I do and absolutely into the moment where amazing things can happen.  

The Nitty Gritty

There is sand in the ridges of my yoga mat.

No matter what I do it does not go away.

It is persistent about being there, about blending not so smoothly into the sweet sandalwood and jojoba oil puddles that christen my mat before each practice.  Oils that have been placed there with the idea of grounding, calming, and invigorating intentions, how quickly they betray me.

It starts by pushing into my shoulders as I lie flat on my back before my practice.  Then it moves ever so gracefully to my knees in childs pose and my hands in down dog to my elbows in dolphin.  Somehow, someway it manages into my mouth and my eyes breaking all bounds of comfort.

It could be worse though, I could not live near the beach and I could not be practicing yoga.  Two things I love very much.

But honestly I am a control freak about some things, (okay most things), and that is what brings me to my mat again and again.  

To be humbled.  
To be reminded.
To be brought to my knees before my expectations.  

Over the years I have learned that I cannot control anything besides my own actions and reactions, which in retrospect is actually the best thing to be able to control.  I have developed a patience and a control over my desire to control.  If that makes sense.  I use yoga to climb, (yes that is how I picture the effort some days... climbing), into my body and remember that I can control my breath, my movements, my emotions, my eating habits, how much I give and how well I receive.  It is the book I open when I am searching for information on myself.  

Some years ago my practice transitioned from asana obsessive to a more reflective state.  I began to see how my words, thoughts, feelings, and actions were effecting my practice., and how those very same thoughts travelled off the mat with me into my daily life.  And believe me, these thoughts were shit.  I was so hard on myself and rarely gave credit to accomplishment.  I noticed that if I took the time to become aware of these triggers and habits I could change them.  I could climb warily off my yoga mat after each practice and walk out into my life surrounded by people who challenged me and supported me, and I could start to see challenge and support as equals.

I learned that I didn't have to justify, claim, or defend my life.  I just had to get to know myself well enough to be comfortable making decisions.

It taught me the below conversation with myself:

There's sand in my yoga mat

It is hurting my hands

Thats why I cannot do a arm balance today 

Oh plus I have that shoulder injury that would never let me do an arm balance

I should just skip this practice, I can't really do the apex pose any way

Ugh, why does everybody think these poses are so awesome
Why is the teacher leading this pose, she hasn't even asked about injuries, thats dumb

Oh wait, I really just don't want to the damn arm balance......

Ok, if I am being honest it bothers me to do the forearm balance because I do not feel stable or strong enough and that is something that I really want in all areas of my life.
Stability and strength.  

Try the stupid arm balance

BOOM!!!!!!!!!

That sand, it respresents the part of me that drives myself crazy.  The oart of me that likes to be weak and out of control.  The part of me that is forever 4 years old and likes the attention of a sob story, born and bred from years of mindless belief that we have to have a long exagerated story to make outr actions worthy.  

It reminds me that I have to get over myself, to see the nitty gritty part of myself that likes to make excuses, and move into it, through it, and past it.  

Though I have not learned to love the sand in my yoga mat all the time, it is there to remind me that there is more work to do, more personal accountability to be had and less responsibility to spread onto others.

And that is something to love.  

We are the only ones that can change ourselves.  The only ones that make the decisions that create our own happiness or sadness.  Yoga just offers a gateway to have these conversations and move in ridiculous ways, continually proving your own awesomeness.

Get out of your head (stop thinking about it) and get into your body (and feel it)!